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Monday, June 07, 2010

Football is apparently coming home...

I've mentioned before how disinterested in football I am. This remains the truth, but a couple of football things have been unavoidable this weekend. I'm also not a fan of Simon-high-trousers-Cowell. It would seem however that he has become as pervasive as News International as he's manipulating, sorry, I mean producing everything....

I wouldn't mind, but I'd rather make up my own mind about what I like or dislike rather than be told by some bloke with a £10 haircut that's trying to rule the world (the bloke, not the haircut).

Here's a case in point.

Simon says
"Hey ITV! I see your ratings are a bit crap aren't they. I'm here to save you. Here's my next idea for a show. It's called Britain's Got Talent, it's the same as the X-Factor (remember, you liked that didn't you) but with other acts as well as singers. Anyone who is any good, I'll sign up to my production company. The winner can have £100,000 and 5 minutes on the Royal Variety Performance. The £100k comes from all the plebs at home who phone up to vote for whichever act they want too win (that'll be the takings from the first nights phone vote) and the rest we'll split 80/20 - 80 for me, 20 for you. The spot on the RVS is easy because they come to me for their talent because I've got the sodding big production company with anyone who's any good signed up to it.

Once the wannabe talent have done their bits and while the plebs are all phoning in their money...erm.. I mean votes... We can put on some of *my* A-lister's to promote their current piece of crap that they're releasing onto the unsuspecting plebs. This will generate just a bit more cash because the plebs will go out and buy it. I win, you win, some wannabe talent will win, the public WILL be entertained because I said so and everyone's happy.... oh except maybe for the wannabe talent that get's kicked out or looses to a dancing dog, an acrobat or some sh*t like that.

It's Genius. I am a Genius. Bow down before my Geniusness..."

It's a clever trick as long as us plebs aren't paying attention. But hang on, what's this??

Simon goes on to say
"Hey ITV!... You're doing some of that World Cup stuff aren't you? My A-listers for this week then, will be..... Dizzee Rascal (coz he's so down with the kids) and James Corden (coz since he did those two things for Sport Aid or whatever it was, he's a good football bloke) that lots of people think is quite funny, although I think he was funnier in Gavin & Stacey. Anyway, I've got a song for them - I say got - bought really off of some blokes that the kids won't remember (Tears for Fears - Shout) which I'm putting up as my unofficial World Cup Song. It's just a lot of shouting and some blokes of some football stadiums chanting and sh*t. The plebs will love it."

And that dear reader is how we end up with this on Prime Time Television:



But then this is what you get from the man who chose to take "Hollywood Wives" by Jackie Collins and a mirror onto his desert island in desert island discs.

The production company he owns is called "Syco" which has 3 divisions, Radio, TV and Film. I think it would be a fair guess that both Mr Rascal and Mr Corden have signed some sort of deal with them. Afterall, everyone else has....and Mr Corden isn't stopping there. I'm sure you've missed the adverts for his World Cup Live which has all sorts of "after party" mentality going. What's really annoying about this is that I really like the song they've used (which is probably owned by Syco), and the clever use of slow-mo and a few famous faces makes it look pretty good. Fear not - I'm certain it will be crap, but judge for yourself.



....and there's more. Soccer Aid 2010 last night featured James Cordon all over the place as the assistant to the Manager (Redknapp). It's Robbie Williams' show, but once again Simon Cowell has had his fingers in it, with Olly Murs (The bloke who didn't win the x-Factor) playing on the England squad.

This week.... more reality TV in the form of the last ever ever ever Big Brother. Honest, it really is the last one. Series 11 apparently. Here we go again....



More Slow-mo and good tunes. Sneaky that. It appears that this is the death toll chiming for "Endemol" (who at one point pretty much controlled the TV schedules) and I guess this leaves a hole which is all set to be Syco's time. I just wish I was in BB11 this year so that I wouldn't have to put up with Mr Cowell's influence all over the World Cup. Football AND Cowell??.. Bleughhh!!
 

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